deep thinking

last night i had such a great night at a relief society...
i felt so loved as people from my new neighborhood reached out to me and made sure i went

(let's be honest it's a little nerve racking going to a church function that you don't know anyone at)

anyways, i'd been having this feeling that i should go and so glad that i did
my friend(i'm calling everyone in my ward my friend because i want them to be my friend even if we don't know each other yet) spoke on trials.  She  talked about why is it that as women we feel like we need to be 'superwomen'.  we need to always be happy, have a clean cute house, kids put together, cook, sew, craft, budget, etc. etc.  and that most the time we are so busy trying to be who we think we should be that we mask everything else from the world.

I've been thinking a lot about all the outside influences on women.  Everyday I check out some of my favorite blogs while sitting here at work.  I look at these beautiful women, talented women, women who make thrift stores look good, women who create something spectacular out of nothing.  I look at pinterest at what everyone else thought of, did, created, bought.  How can I not compare myself of covet/envy what others have done or thought of.  These blogs, pinterest, facebook are not all bad they can be completely empowering.  They are inspirational and motivating.  I have found some great ideas and suggestions that have really strengthened me too.  But it's easy to decide that you aren't enough.  I just am a plain jane.

But anyways.  Enough with the mask.  Life is hard for everyone.  We are all going to have our own trials and problems but why pretend they aren't there.  Why not help one another and add strength to each other. I'm trying really hard to not compare myself and fret over worldly things these days because I can so consumed in everyone else I forget to just be me, and be the best me I can be.  I hope that I have never made anyone feel lesser of themselves because of something I have said or written.  I never have wanted to do that.  I use these blog to journal things in my life and not to ever try to bring someone down.

Sometimes I worry about posting a complaint or a hardship because I don't want people to feel like I am asking for attention or sympathy.  But I never worry about what effects the opposite has.  Why is it so easy to share the great but not the ugly.  While this pregnancy hasn't been nearly as challenging as other people I know it's still be challenging for me... but I never tell anyone that.  I mean I'm supposed to be glowing.  I'm supposed to just be so enthralled in the miracle of life how could I ever admit to someone what else I've been feeling.  This was a total rambling post and I'm totally impressed if you read it all until the end.

Maybe I'll complete it when I have come to some conclusions.