bursting

life hasn't been so glamorous at our house this week.  I came down with the flu on Monday morning.  It hit me quickly and with great force.  For the first time since Mack was born I felt like I couldn't take care of him on my own.  I have realized many times how much he relies on me for but this was the first time that I didn't know if I could give him all that he needed.  I have been super fortunate in my life and have not been really sick too much.  But the few times that I have always cause me to find a deeper sense of gratitude for my day to day monotonous activities.  I would love to be able to get out of this bed and sweep the floor, make dinner, change a diaper or fold some laundry.  It is truly humbling to realize how each breath is a gift and something to be grateful for.

As my body feels like it breaking and withering trying to fight this bug my heart is bursting as I listen my little one in the other room.  My house if filled with the most beautiful sounds of my sweet Sam caring and playing with his son.  I usually am right next to them enjoying the fun but lately I just get to listen and it's music to my ears.  My heart has been bursting alot lately.  Sometimes I wonder how it still works because multiple times throughout a day I feel it burst a little more as I watch and care for Mack. He is constantly causing me joy through his sounds, his actions, the things he is learning, facials, body language, fear of the vacuum, testing the boundaries, etc. etc.  Even though I have sacrificed so much becoming a mother and most of the things I will never get to fully enjoy again I feel like I have experienced more joy in the last 8 months than I ever have.  It's truly a testament that you love those that you serve.  Mack and Sam are my everything, I just hope my heart can handle all the joy the constantly bring me.